These days are better than that

Image: music4life I'm here, back again. One year later, I'm trying one more time.  Maybe because - sometimes (or should I say almost never?) - I feel that desire to come back and write a few words in English. Practice makes perfect, isn't it? I'm breaking my back working these days: I'm teaching amost 40 hours a week, writing a book, running my website, helping a teacher/friend of mine with a project, taking my gratuation course... Life is not easy but it is so amazing I enjoy this journey. What about you? What are you doing with your life? Let me know! Xoxo

Today I'm gonna write my morning pages here. It's gonna be easier than put my words on my notebook. I slept a lot this night, so I'm excited for a long day without a nap. March is so fucking welcome in my life! I have to plan every step and do every little thing to make my plans happen! I woke up with a "good morning" message from a friend of mine. This made me happy and sad at the same moment. I am happy because there's a long time I didn't talk to him. On the other hand, I'm sad because he has this thing of appear and vanish from my life wherever he wants. He talks to me when I'm useful to him. When I'm not, he desappears. I don't wanna be a "plan B" for anybody, so I've read what he wrote and didn't give him an answer.  I'm thinking about finish Oli today. This story must have an end. I need to move on. It's like my life depends on Oli's end to find a way. Weird. Kind of dork too. But this is me....

My last post was in 2013. I don't know the reason made me stop writing here but I know how much I missed this place. The place I am nobody, but I feel complete. Life has changed I lot, and I can't be the same. I still love the same musicians and have the same hobbies, the same friends... But I'm not the same person. The way I look inside and outside is calm now even though I'm still under the presure.  I know 2015 is a big year. I'm starting my post-graduation (or is it called "graduation", or "undergraduation"? I don't remember anymore) . I'm gonna meet the Backstreet Boys for the first time and - if God bless me this way - I'm gonna live an adventure abroad.  I love my life but I need to fly. For the first time I'm pretty sure about it. Now I'm not talking about what I want. I'm talking about what I need...  And I can breath, breath, love!

Picture: We♥it Life was kind of crazy these months. No boyfriend. No best friend. A lot of hard work... But, more than these, a lot of learning. During this period of my life, I've learnt about being lonely (and how good this can be), about how the real friends can stand by my side, being lovely, even when I never thought they could be there for me... I've also learnt about children - and their singular point of views - and how inspiring life is, if we are ready and opened-mind to see it. When something wrong hit us, we have to deal with it and  walk on. Life give us a lot of opportunities to grow up. That was happening to me these months. That can happen to you too. And, believe or not, this is a miracle.

While the band in my head plays a striptease... Breathe live at the Rose Bowl. Finally I've bought U2 360º at the Rose Bowl! FINALLY! And watching this again, I still can’t believe I was in a concert of this tour. So fucking amazing!!!  Today, I cried again. This time it was One fault (we are carrying each other and I feel so stupid about it…) As they used to sing " Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot "… I wish I met all I have to meet in this life…  Well, about the concert, U2 has the power over me and I’m speechless again. There are no words to express my feelings about the happiness and the peace I feel listening to these guys... I've found grace inside a sound  I found grace, it's all that I found  And I can breathe  Breathe now

Hope. I’m trying to be ready for the good times. I feel they are coming full of new great things and unforgettable moments. I’m feeling afraid of them, because I’ve spent so many times in the middle of this fucking pain that I can’t wonder how is be happy and loved and feeling ok. On the other hand, I’m starting to feel blessed about everything that happened to me. Pain = learning and learning is always welcomed! 

In Portuguese, we're used to say that “our neighbor always has a greener grass than us” … I am with this thought on my mind these days. At work things are not easy. In life, my feelings are not easy. However, I can't see a greener grass in my neighbor’s garden. Is this world so crazy I can’t see anything good? I just wanna think this is a bad time and suddenly everything is gonna be ok again. But I miss a shoulder friend where I can rest and cry, a place able to give me the strength I need to see the beauty again. It’s hard to keep strong all the time and awful be a complainer all the time either. Everything I can do is writing about this pain and see this pain becoming words and texts and posts. The problem is: who will have the patience to read this?! (If you are reading, sorry. I am conscious this is not my best text) I see all my big dreams coming true, but the people I’ve dreamt to be here are not by my side. Of course, this is killing me. It’s hard build d...

Thinking about my life, I fell a little bit stupid. Why do I spend my life loving you?! Everybody can see how you don’t care about my feelings, about my life, about me. On the other hand, I could give my life to see you happy and safe. “ Love is a dog from hell ”, Bukowski wrote in the past. He was right. Love is a dog from hell and I am there, feeling this fucking pain…

It’s a song about nobility and personal sacrifice, about doing what’s right, even if your heart is telling you otherwise. The spoken intro gave us the title for our new album: And love is not the easy thing / The only baggage you can bring / Is all that you can’t leave behind . Love, in the highest sense of the word, is the only thing that you can always take with you, in your heart. At some point you are going to have to lose everything else anyway. There’s a passage in Corinthians that uses the image of a house going through a fire, and it seems to suggest that when, in death, we eventually face judgement (or inspection, as one translation puts it) all that is made of straw and wood will be burned away, only the eternal things will survive. For me those things are family and friendship, abstract things, they’re not the things that you make. So at the end of the song, there is a litany of ambitions and achievements. You’ve got to leave it behind / All that you fashion / All that you ...

Do you have a dream? A big one?  

It's just a feeling, just a feeling, just a feeling that I have  Just a feeling, just a feeling that I have  Cause I can't believe that it's over... ( Just a feeling - Maroon 5) Photo: we ♥ it She knows he’s far from her, but she still keeps him inside her heart . Why? – People ask.  Living alone is a hard habit she preserves because she can’t betray her feeling; she can’t go against that love.  Where is he?! Perhaps , he’s in love with another girl, living in another city, working hard… She asks herself why she’s in love with a man who leaves her behind. She can’t understand . It’s easier wait him remember her.

I don't know why, but I'm sad....

It’s hard to think about a weekend without you. What am I supposed to do without your hand to hold my hand?! I know, two days… it’s just a weekend. But what can I do with this hole that grows up in my soul?! I don’t know…  Feeling alone makes me think about my life, about how I’m blessed with your love! Yes, I’m telling you how much I miss you, because I love you and I want to scream for everybody listen to it: Hey, I love you! I can’t live without you, your hug, without you smile, without your touch… That’s why I’m telling you how being far from you kills me. If I could, I would live my life with you: the same house, the same bed, the same thoughts! But life is not a dream… and I’m here, alone… PS: I don’t wanna hurt you with these words. You, better than me, know who I am: I need to talk about my feelings to feel better. Writing makes me feel next to you (I know, it’s crazy but it’s true).

Tell me why all the best laid plans fall apart in your hands And my good intentions never end, the way I meant Best Laid Plans - James blunt

Here I am again, waiting and waiting. I don’t know… Sometimes I think that to love is to wait. Love is to be patient. Love is to respect. I’ve got a feeling I’m losing the love of my life right now. I’m afraid, but I know I must to be strong, because he will need me by his side – as his best friend, but he will… At this moment, I feel that I was born to be alone. I try to be a positive person, but it’s hard to deal with this loneliness (that knows me by name )… I fight with myself because I want to happy; in other hand, hope is something is lessening here… In fact, I got a lot of dreams: I want to form a big family – husband, kids, pets, a great house -, I want to travel, I want to be happy. Happiness is a warm gun … Happiness is not for me. I was born to be calm, to be cool, to be… not happy, not loved.

Oh, you're the calm when my world is crashing My heart, my blood, my passion Why, tell me why You're everything but mine I hold you close when it all goes crazy And through it all, you'd be my lady Why, tell me why You're everything, everything but mine ( everything but mine - backstreet boys) I don’t know if someday you had this kind of feeling, but it’s not the first time this happen to me: I’m officially alone, but I feel him with me. He makes my heart feel love and happiness, although, in my case, “happiness is a warm gun”. I know we have no possibilities to stay together and, guess what? For the first time I really don’t care about it! Carpe diem .

I must be sad, but I confess, I'm soooooooooooo happy!

"I feel crowded and alone" ( Free , by @ GavinDeGraw )

I enjoy having a cup of coffee with my friends. It’s something I like to do. And it’s better when this friend is like a brother and the cup of coffee is from Starbucks. That’s what I did yesterday. My dear brother friend and I went to Starbucks Coffee just for talking for a while. I was sad, he felt it. So we went there and had a little bit of fun. I’m here now remembering everything he said to me… It’s funny how life can take a new meaning when someone takes care of you… Even if this “someone” is just a dear and lovely friend.He has the power of making me think about my crazy life... (Me and my "drama") I appreciate these moments!

I want to know what life is Because I cannot stand this I don’t know what I can do If I stay or run through. I want to feel what happiness is But I don’t know where I can start Why is it simple? Why I feel it so hard? I’m looking for a road But I have no directions I’m looking for love Without a perception.