These days are better than that

Today I'm gonna write my morning pages here. It's gonna be easier than put my words on my notebook. I slept a lot this night, so I'm excited for a long day without a nap. March is so fucking welcome in my life! I have to plan every step and do every little thing to make my plans happen! I woke up with a "good morning" message from a friend of mine. This made me happy and sad at the same moment. I am happy because there's a long time I didn't talk to him. On the other hand, I'm sad because he has this thing of appear and vanish from my life wherever he wants. He talks to me when I'm useful to him. When I'm not, he desappears. I don't wanna be a "plan B" for anybody, so I've read what he wrote and didn't give him an answer.  I'm thinking about finish Oli today. This story must have an end. I need to move on. It's like my life depends on Oli's end to find a way. Weird. Kind of dork too. But this is me....

My last post was in 2013. I don't know the reason made me stop writing here but I know how much I missed this place. The place I am nobody, but I feel complete. Life has changed I lot, and I can't be the same. I still love the same musicians and have the same hobbies, the same friends... But I'm not the same person. The way I look inside and outside is calm now even though I'm still under the presure.  I know 2015 is a big year. I'm starting my post-graduation (or is it called "graduation", or "undergraduation"? I don't remember anymore) . I'm gonna meet the Backstreet Boys for the first time and - if God bless me this way - I'm gonna live an adventure abroad.  I love my life but I need to fly. For the first time I'm pretty sure about it. Now I'm not talking about what I want. I'm talking about what I need...  And I can breath, breath, love!

Picture: We♥it Life was kind of crazy these months. No boyfriend. No best friend. A lot of hard work... But, more than these, a lot of learning. During this period of my life, I've learnt about being lonely (and how good this can be), about how the real friends can stand by my side, being lovely, even when I never thought they could be there for me... I've also learnt about children - and their singular point of views - and how inspiring life is, if we are ready and opened-mind to see it. When something wrong hit us, we have to deal with it and  walk on. Life give us a lot of opportunities to grow up. That was happening to me these months. That can happen to you too. And, believe or not, this is a miracle.

I could say tons of things about this song and this video, but I can resume it in three words: this is me !  AWESOME! :O

While the band in my head plays a striptease... Breathe live at the Rose Bowl. Finally I've bought U2 360º at the Rose Bowl! FINALLY! And watching this again, I still can’t believe I was in a concert of this tour. So fucking amazing!!!  Today, I cried again. This time it was One fault (we are carrying each other and I feel so stupid about it…) As they used to sing " Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot "… I wish I met all I have to meet in this life…  Well, about the concert, U2 has the power over me and I’m speechless again. There are no words to express my feelings about the happiness and the peace I feel listening to these guys... I've found grace inside a sound  I found grace, it's all that I found  And I can breathe  Breathe now

Hope. I’m trying to be ready for the good times. I feel they are coming full of new great things and unforgettable moments. I’m feeling afraid of them, because I’ve spent so many times in the middle of this fucking pain that I can’t wonder how is be happy and loved and feeling ok. On the other hand, I’m starting to feel blessed about everything that happened to me. Pain = learning and learning is always welcomed! 

In Portuguese, we're used to say that “our neighbor always has a greener grass than us” … I am with this thought on my mind these days. At work things are not easy. In life, my feelings are not easy. However, I can't see a greener grass in my neighbor’s garden. Is this world so crazy I can’t see anything good? I just wanna think this is a bad time and suddenly everything is gonna be ok again. But I miss a shoulder friend where I can rest and cry, a place able to give me the strength I need to see the beauty again. It’s hard to keep strong all the time and awful be a complainer all the time either. Everything I can do is writing about this pain and see this pain becoming words and texts and posts. The problem is: who will have the patience to read this?! (If you are reading, sorry. I am conscious this is not my best text) I see all my big dreams coming true, but the people I’ve dreamt to be here are not by my side. Of course, this is killing me. It’s hard build d...